ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
