ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
