Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize