the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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