i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
