I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Boobs speak an international language.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
