She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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