I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she smelled like a LAN party
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
