They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize