According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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