she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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