Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
