You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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