never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
