you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I am spending my child support on dildos
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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