when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I need to stop coming to work sober
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
