hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
