dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
