is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
