Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
where are my eyebrows?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
