I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
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