before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
