just survived the first fart of the relationship.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
