watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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