Already got asked if we're dating
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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