You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
