idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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