My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
