My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
