Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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