yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
