I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
