It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
