Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
