I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
