just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
