i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I love having hate sex.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
