i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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