I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
