Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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