they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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