I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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