happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize