Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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