Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
