The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
