he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You were trust falling into bushes
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
