So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
