I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
