I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
FUCK WHALES
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
