I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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