Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
