I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
