I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
