I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
