true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Your penis caused this!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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