I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
