Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I FOUND THE LEGS
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
