Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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