Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize