My room smells like vodka and shame
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
