Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize