I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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