I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
