the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
