on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
