They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Randomize
