you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
