When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
